I will die if light touches me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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