You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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