Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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