Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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