Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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