last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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