Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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