Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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