i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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