I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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