Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize