Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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