I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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