Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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