End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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