I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize