I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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