When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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