Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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