alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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