I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize