I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize