Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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