My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize