when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize