You're my little dorito
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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