I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize