I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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