I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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