so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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