We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize