Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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