I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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