I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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