This girl is more easily done than said...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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