i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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