Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize