Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize