I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize