put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize