So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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