I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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