There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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