accomplished twins. life is a go
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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