ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize