ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize