I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize