At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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