Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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