Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize